girl, you're nuts

J A S M I N E
awesome 18

surprises-
beautiful suspense,
my greatest love!



Cry - Rihanna


BE-INGS

addy
Becks
emilyn
jon!
tinghui
tracy
renzhi
yingying

105'08







It was seconds after i put my mobile in my bag. Now, i unzip it pull out the gadget and stared in a daze at it. I stood in the middle of the bus interchange, looking my phone not knowing what numbers to punch. I thought of people. andy, jon, weiling, zhenxing, but i slided it back. I knew the words they are going to say. i knew it too well. I knew another word out from my mouth and i'll snap. At that moment, i thought about almost everything.

Im trying. it's for sure this time. Im studying like a madcow. im burning every single night. Im stressed. im very stressed. I dont want to talk it out. i just want to cry. I had wanted to do so long ago. I had wanted to give up long ago. i didnt want to blog for so long, cause this are all the emotions i have for the past weeks. i didnt want to immerse myself in my emotions and whine because that's what i did in the past. i whine and someone will come along to cheer me up. There's always a someone. Now that everything is different. i wanted this difference to last. I wanted a chnage. i wanted to be strong. and i know i can. i believe i can. I try to do everythign myself, btu i did nothing in the end. Im not happy, im not healthy, im not alright. Everything is freaking me out like hell. I held on too tight, i whipped the horse to hard, all i thought was for it to go faster and faster and faster. But the horse died on me.

I took time out to blog this, knowing how severe my opportunity cost are. I tried enough..

I didnt expect this to be 10 times harder.
I took it hard and i 'broke.'
i braced myself, knowing im alone.
i took it doubly hard and i snap.
help.

' you gotta learn to let go..' said justina. ' GO REST.' she orders..
sounds easy. only.

im burned out.